Monday, March 30, 2009

Pornography wears a suit and is quite athletic

If only the tabacky and alkyhol companies could emulate the pornographers shown here and have their Basics Menthols and Olde English 800s chase down the impressionable little shits and force themselves upon them.
The other day I was passing some kids and they were running from something, I thought maybe it was a dog or a truant officer but it was actually old man pornography, all flat black and two dimensional with speed lines, hot on their tails, and when he catches up with them I'm sure he'll make them spend their lunch money on Playgirl and Barely Legal, perhaps entice them
with bargain $9.99 three packs. You know with porn it's always new to you, it's not like you're getting a five month old issue of New Economics, that's old hat, this is muff you haven't seen before, it's new.
So be on the lookout for this flat as a pancake ravager of our innocent children, draw a back hole in his path and he'll whoosh on down to the other side and go after Aborigine children in New Zealand.

PS, thank you Joe Japes for the image.

PPS, this HARMS WAY, is it a nightclub?

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Cute animals

All three of 'em

Monday, March 23, 2009

More dangerous than Jarts but less than a bag full of MRSA

Orlando was the world manufacturing center for Clackers, not just the home for the prototype Olive Garden


You may find it hard to believe but there are some children in the world who have never experienced sheer, paralyzing terror, they have lived their entire short lives without feeling horror, night sweats, nightmares and trembling, mind-numbing fear.
To correct this imbalance in some unfortuanate young lives, (clockwise from bottom left) Sigmund, Dorf 1, Dorf 2 and Wilmer have gone on a selfless mission to bring all, and more of the above to needy children from Sri Lanka to Easter Island.
Once they leave the child's room, the smiles return to the cherub's faces, sometimes, perhaps years later in some cases, but the appreciation the truly terrified have of their smile's return cannot be underestimated.
These four are angels sent from God.

If his dick is as big his collars

Things happen when you wear ELEGANZA, and my guess is unless you're the dictator of an African nation dressed in the brand, the only thing that will happen is that you'll get an ass kicking.

And you think Punk Rock was extreme

I used to dress like this everyday, except Ramadan and martial law days

Now this is a bank

Hell yessir!!!!!

The most bored of all wizards

What should I do, put a hex on someone, transmogrify myself into a chicken beast, perhaps turn Key Largo into a leper colony.......naaah, fuck that, I think I'll take a nap.

Friday, March 20, 2009

Next time you wanna call your ancestors

or your big assed girlfriend use this.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Meet my servant

Get me another pappadum Troy, you useless fucking Wisconsonite. Extra chutney too, piece of shit cheesehead

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Flava Flav's descent into hell

To think Public Enemy released one of the most, viable, brutal, important and powerful albums of all time.

A mother's love is important

otherwise you end up doing things like this. The importance that a loving mother places on giving you an identity and a sense of belonging are essential, when you receive no such love as a child, get dropped on your head, drink leaded paint, get molested by clowns, have a scrotum sac left undecended or all of the above. you end up acting out in mid-life. You may even go to the extreme of putting multiple neon lights on a motorcycle.
Thank you mom for saving me from such foolishness.
You'll never know how much I'm missing you right now. Your love surrounds me, thank you for making me a man instead of a puss.

My next tattoo

This child molester was a rocking fool

Saw him live twice, once at the Leeds Futurama Festival in 1980, he headlined, kinda ironic since his music was deemed futuristic about 8 years earlier, he was hammy and oily.'I didn't know it was my birthday' 'I had no idea I was still this loved' he gushed and cooed insincerely beneath his huge wig.
He was supremely rock n roll with two drummers and eight guitarists. If it wasn't for him there woulda been no Sigue Sigue Sputnik, no Jonas Brothers or Ru Paul. Justin Timberlack can't pull off this stunt, no one can, this shit can't be sold on the the interknit, it has to be seen live in all its unctuous, paunchy, sweaty, lard dripping, boy cock staring glory.
Hail the real GG, Gary Glitter

Friday, March 13, 2009

Quality tattoos on Edgewater

They're by Evil Anjel and there's a custom van with a flat tire or two sitting outside, there's probably some high caliber artwork being done herein.

Saturday, March 7, 2009

Thursday, March 5, 2009

New Love

In front of Big Bang, the greatest gay bar that ever existed in Orlando. I'm a fat brown Marc Almond and my girlfriend/future wife is hotter than hell.

Kev Rooney, English Hot Rod Guru

Never met him, but this cat was my hero, still is.
This is an English Ford.

My son and his best friend Beckett

These kids are bros in the truest sense of the retarded word.

My Bike's 1st incarnation

This is how my bike looked when I first built her, she was perfect, I shoulda left her alone.

This one's for Cap'n Cornhole

Look at this piece of super hot cooze with zero Kate Mossiness about her, I hope you dig this Mr. Cap'n Cornhole, it took me 4 hours to upload the fucking thing.

Sunday, March 1, 2009

Life, death, race mixing, carboard boxes and Fiffi

This is Miles a few years back. Someone wiser than my sorry ass once said that everyone you know dies being the person they are at any given moment until the time they're actually dead. This particular version of Miles is no more, he still loves carboard boxes and blankets, but he no longer fits in those PJs and his pet cat toy, Fiffi, isn't an essential part of his day. I remeber these moments vividly but they aren't alive anymore, as much as I wish they were, they are gone.
Imagine if all of these were compartmentalized and available for review at any given moment, it would be nice but it would be surreally fucked up. Who could handle 10,000 moments of anyone? I couldn't handle 10,000 moments of my mother in law and now that she's dead I can't even have one, RIP, Patricia Melley 1932-2009, I'll love you forever.

My garage

This is my garage and that's my rolling red chair and in the back is my red enameled arrow.

Back in the corner is a roof off of a 50 Ford and a passenger door.

On this day the strippers didn't arrive until later and therefore no pictures were taken, sorry I can't show you the far out party that ensued.